Talk That Transforms with Kim Davis

Something happened to me yesterday, and it really showed me how much I had lost the softness of myself because I always felt like I had to be protected and shielded.

I have been around so many people I could never be soft around. Over time, I got used to keeping my guard up, holding pieces of myself back, and preparing for disappointment.

Today, I found myself asking, “How does a person who loves so much find herself around the coldest people?”

People who display themselves to outsiders as one way but are a whole different person when you’re dealing with them personally. Others see their kindness, hear their words, and experience a side of them that leaves you wondering why your experience is so different.

And don’t think I’m just speaking on people who mask themselves in relationships. I’m talking about on jobs, with family members, employees, in business deals, and even in church.

I’m really puzzled because I allowed masked people to chain me up. I see it in how I respond, how much I question, and how hard it is for me to let my guard down.

This is really something I have to sit in because, over time, it makes you have trouble discerning who is who.

I love deeply. I care about people. I want to see them grow, but I won’t allow what I’ve been through to take away my fun, loving, and caring identity.

My prayer is for God to soften my heart again—to heal and replace the pieces of my heart that were broken and stolen.

Father, help me recognize love that is honest, consistent, and safe. Help me trust what You show me. Help me have discernment and boundaries while still being able to be soft.

And if that means I have to be removed from people, places, and things, I’m okay with it because living so heavy and guarded is not my Father’s will.

If I have to grieve some things, have difficult conversations, or admit how deeply something affected me, I’m willing. I don’t want to keep carrying this weight and acting like it hasn’t changed me.

I cried as I typed this because I miss pieces of myself. I’m grateful I made it through, but I also have to be honest about what getting through it has cost me.

Maybe you understand that feeling. Maybe you’ve become quieter, colder, or more guarded because of what you’ve experienced. Maybe you’ve been trying so hard to keep going that you haven’t stopped to acknowledge how hurt you really are.

I pray this touches someone else so they know it’s okay not to be okay with the person you’ve become from dealing with cold, toxic, and broken people.

You can admit, “I’m hurting. I don’t feel like myself. God, I need You to help me heal.”

That is where I am. I’m bringing my heart to my Father, with all the broken pieces, the questions, and the tears. I’m asking Him to restore my softness and teach me how to carry it with wisdom.

— Talk That Transforms with Kim Davis 💛